Thoughts About Walking With Caleb Alone

It is HOT this week. 37 degrees hot. Every day. Caleb is not having a nice time, don’t think he has ever felt such heat in his life of 6 months.

Anyway, he likes to go for walks, chilling in his pram. I hadn’t walked with him by myself yet, but we haddd to get out of the house that is, quite literally, a sauna and get some fresh air because we were both starting to go quite mad.

We are staying in a new neighbourhood. NOT a dangerous neighbourhood, pretty safe, as far as safe goes in SA. Anyway I messaged Dylan and asked if he thought it would be safe for us to go out. Screwed up thing #1, (I’ve decided to use this kind of language as oppose to more appropriate, but frowned upon language that is in my head) having to double check that it’s safe to go outside.

You may think I’m being paranoid, and you may think that the rest of my story is paranoia to the max, but unfortunately, that is really how recent events, child trafficking (fake news or not), RAPE EVERYWHERE, makes one – especially a mom, who is literally solely responsible for their favourite-person-in-the whole-world’s life. It’s REAL.

I got out of my pyjamas, because I don’t have time to waste getting changed unless I absolutely have to, and actively contemplated whether I should wear shorts or not. Uhm HELLO ITS 178 DEGREES but don’t wanna feel too exposed you know. (Screwed up thing #2) EFF EVERYONE WHOSE FAULT IT IS THAT WOMEN THINK LIKE THAT.

So anyway I decided that we would go. (I did wear shorts). Caleb is immediately content when he realizes what’s happening, he LOVES WALKS. Like a dog. I open the door, immediately scout the surroundings and look up and down the street for any sign of life, like I’m going out to get supplies in the apocalypse. Coast is clear. We walk out the gate and onto the street, super casual and I’m literally trying to act natural. And you must be thinking WTF but I kid you not I was nervous!

Every time a car turned into the street my heart skipped a beat (#3). The plan was to go to the park but when we got there I was too nervous to sit alone in a massive open space like a sitting duck, so we walked past. I was starting to feel more and more relaxed and Caleb was really enjoying looking at all the trees we passed. It was SUCH a beautiful day.

Suddenly, up ahead, a super dodgy man on foot turned into our street and my heart jumped. I made a very obvious U-turn. Now I’m walking with a bit of a pace because he’s not far away and he’s coming straight for us. It’s quite a walk to the house, the street is longgg and I’m thinking to myself “Do I go into the house, so that he knows where I live, or do I walk past, but then what?”

I’m trying to look to the side without making it too obvious that I’m looking at him, and he is gaining on us real fast. I’m like basically jogging now. I see the house and decide we are going in. There’s a sliding gate, then a trelligate to unlock and a door, and I’m worried he’ll be too quick. I slide open the first gate, unlock the second gate, not even looking in the direction of the street. SHIT, have to push the pram up a step. Get Caleb and his pram up the step and lock the gate so that we are between the front door and the gate. That’s good enough at least.

I finally look at the road, and the dodgy man is a high school boy, on his way back from school. He casually walks right past us, backpack on, earphones in, jamming to his music, glances at me and carries on, barely even noticed us. (In my defence my eyesight is shit and the sun was glaring.)

What the HELL guys. I had gone over the WORST in my head, what I was going to do, how I was going to protect my baby, what I was going to scream when I had to. Wowww how SCREWED UP is it that this is what I thought instead of that person just being an innocent school boy walking home. ITS SAD!

I’ve gone for a few walks again, more chilled now, but always alert, because it’s reality that horrible things are happening to people every day and you have to be observant and aware of your surroundings at all times!

Just a tip: ALWAYS go with your gut instinct. Even if you’re wrong in the end, and even if you make a fool out of yourself, rather that than land up in a bad situation that you could have avoided if you had trusted yourself! ❤

Anyway I thought I’d share, because the ending is kind of funny and I felt SO BAD that I judged that poor guy for absolutely no reason. If I see him again I will defs tell him.

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